Almost one full year...what?!

Dig the photo of me...yeah I'm a mother of a almost one year old!! ha. SO CRAZY! I can't believe she is almost 1!!! They say it goes fast and it does.

So this last year more changes have happened. I mean every year for the last three something major has happened. 2007 I moved to Nashville, 2008 I married my best friend, 2009 I had my baby girl and now 2010 we bought our first home! I cannot believe it, I own a home!! Well technically the bank owns it but details details...ha.

But all that to say the last few years have taken a toll on me. Its just now that I am able to to take a look and see what that means. Moving to Nashville was one of the best decisions Ive ever made. I loved my time there, made some great friends and some wonderful memories. I married my best friend and left with positive thoughts and feelings for all the ups and downs that year possessed. Then the move to Lynchburg in 2008 was a mind twist. I moved to a town where I knew no one. This was Ryan's old stomping ground so it was a challenge to find myself here. There was the struggle of finding a job, finding a church, finding friends...then came the news of our baby! What does this mean to have a baby when everything else was so new and out of sorts?

But the Lord has a way of working things out...I got a job, I met some lovely ladies and well our search for the church was still in process but hopeful.
The end of 2009 we had our little girl and thoughts of a our home on the horizon. It was then that things really got a bit hard. I was no longer working. I was a full time mom. And the girls I had really connected with had some changes of their own which took them away from this town and so on...

The beginning of 2010 I was happy and sad at the same time. I missed my closest friends. The ones that lived far away were living lives that were/are different from mine. It was hard. Ryan working so hard to provide. I was feeling lost. I had no idea where "Nicci" went.

Then I realized I just had to work a bit harder.

Things worked themselves out by mid summer. We moved into our new home! I had an amazing weekend with some of my closest and dearest friends to celebrate my bff. I started running which took care of that need to be physically active. I met some more great ladies here in town...one in particular who has a son the same age as lily and just moved here from Knoxville. And finally we found a church!!!

So slowly but surely I am learning more about Nicci as a wife, mother, daughter and friend. This year feels like it has been the hardest in a lot of ways. Mainly learning to love solitude. Adjusting to having this much alone time has been a good lesson for me. I have had to face allot of things about myself that Ive been avoiding for some time. And though hard it isn't as bad as I thought it would be...but I can say that on this side of the journey.:)

In closing here are my lessons:

Being a full time mom is hard, rewarding but hard. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't a full time job. It is.

Being a wife also hard. but also one of the best things I've done! Having a support system makes all of life that much easier to embrace.

I miss dancing! But running has been a good replacement for the time being.

I love my friends. Meaningful relationships are the best. But being a mom and a wife I have little time and I will not chase after you to be my friend.

owning a home is amazing!

I don't have it all figured out.

I am easily distracted.

I still have wounds that aren't as healed as I thought.

I have allot more lessons to learn.

New Life as...

The craziest thing for me is being a mom.

I mean I was never that girl that grew up dreaming of being married or having babies. I always chose to be out getting dirty and playing with the boys. As I got older I obviously had desires and when I met Ryan Thomas I knew that my desire to be a wife was something I had long had within me and just never paid to much attention to, as I had other "more important" things to do.
Once I became a wife the desire to be a mom was again not something that burned within me. I was looking forward to having time with my husband and learn about us in our relationship. Being almost 30 at the time I had done most of the things I wanted to do as a single woman and felt I was ready to experience life as a partner. Ryan was, for me at least, one more way of God showing me the next part of me that was to be developed. He was able to show me parts of myself through Ryan that I had either not seen or not been willing to see. I felt freer in so many ways. Probably because Ryan has always done a great job at showing me acceptance. He (Ryan) has been able to produce in me a strength that has laid dormant for some time. He has awakened new desires and given me a life that I never thought I could have. One of the greatest parts of that life is our daughter Lily Sophia.
She is amazing. 12 weeks old this past Saturday I am amazed at how much she has changed. She was laying in her crib this morning talking to the mobile and just chuckling at the bunnies that went round and round.
I sat in the rocking chair, where she could not see me, and I listened to her. I was taken back at this little life that I had help create with my husband. Her joy and innocence is something you don't witness on a day to day basis.
Maybe as a parent you see this in your child but for those who have never had a child it isn't always so noticeable. At least it wasn't for me prior to Lily's birth.
Now as a new mom and a relatively new wife I am living this life that though I had never dreamt of as a little girl growing up, I am certain is where I am destined to be. I recognize the unique gifts that God has given me as a woman to love and serve my family. To be able to show my daughter the kind of woman she should be. I love my husband and the way he loves us. For a girl who grew up in a home that wasn't all that together the word family has meant different things to me depending on the period of time in my life you caught me in. Not having a healthy day to day real life example left allot of questions to be answered prior to entering into this new role as wife and mother. One that with great pride I am working out with the help of my God, husband, daughter, mother, step father, in-laws and friends. My greatest desire being to create a life for Lily that she can model and place where she knows she is loved and appreciated. So this next year, while she grows faster than I can imagine, I challenge myself to grow right along with her. So that we can look back and say we have done well. :)