The last few days I have had what I am referring to as emotional stress.
I don't know that it is the correct terminology or not.
And to be honest at this point, it doesn't really matter.
I have found myself being broken over things like commercials about a son who uses his credit card to take his dad to Sweden or the smell of something that brings up a memory, to the beauty of dance, words spoken shared between me and friends, family or complete strangers.
I have been taken back by the greatness of how things come together and just find that I am so small within it all.
I lost one of my clients this week to cancer. It spread from her breasts to her bones and her liver. She was nonverbal so I never heard her complain but the amazing thing is she never showed pain or symptoms. She was just herself, happy and smiling.
It was only five weeks from the time of diagnosis to her death but it seems amazing to me. I don't think it is sad but rather good for this way she doesn't have to suffer. I don't know just amazes me.
This morning I was listening to a sermon called The Bema Seat. I have heard it time and time again and I am not sure what it is about this sermon that ushers me into the presence of the Lord but for some reason I hear it and I recognize my flaws. I see them not in a way that makes me feel condemned and worthless but as the sinner, daughter and princess that I am.
I love this glimpse because it is then that I feel I am not looking at myself for the purpose of some sort of selfish gain but so that I can see the greatness of Him.
There are a million things going on inside. I think we are all here at times in our lives. Where there is so much going on and you just want to have it taken care of so you can sit back, take a deep breath and enjoy what is before you. This is where I am now but I am embracing it different than I have many times in the past. I don't want to complain, I don't want to whine, I just want to be at peace with where "this" is.
So here I was today sitting at my desk listening to worship and the Bema Seat and I wept. I thought about all this nonsense and just took a deep breath. I asked the Lord what it was that would bring him praise and the answer came to me in several parts. Some of it was to sit and worship Him at that moment with songs from my heart. Then tonight I took a dance class. I love to dance! There is something in me that wakens when I am dancing. I do not claim to be the best at any one kind of dance but it is one thing that the Lord has planted deep within me that brings me such joy and in turn I believe brings Him that same joy. I am confident that each of us has at least one thing within us that makes us come alive. That can take that negative thought from our minds, hearts and spirits. I long for each of us to experience worshiping the Lord in that gift.
