The craziest thing for me is being a mom.
I mean I was never that girl that grew up dreaming of being married or having babies. I always chose to be out getting dirty and playing with the boys. As I got older I obviously had desires and when I met Ryan Thomas I knew that my desire to be a wife was something I had long had within me and just never paid to much attention to, as I had other "more important" things to do.
Once I became a wife the desire to be a mom was again not something that burned within me. I was looking forward to having time with my husband and learn about us in our relationship. Being almost 30 at the time I had done most of the things I wanted to do as a single woman and felt I was ready to experience life as a partner. Ryan was, for me at least, one more way of God showing me the next part of me that was to be developed. He was able to show me parts of myself through Ryan that I had either not seen or not been willing to see. I felt freer in so many ways. Probably because Ryan has always done a great job at showing me acceptance. He (Ryan) has been able to produce in me a strength that has laid dormant for some time. He has awakened new desires and given me a life that I never thought I could have. One of the greatest parts of that life is our daughter Lily Sophia.
She is amazing. 12 weeks old this past Saturday I am amazed at how much she has changed. She was laying in her crib this morning talking to the mobile and just chuckling at the bunnies that went round and round.
I sat in the rocking chair, where she could not see me, and I listened to her. I was taken back at this little life that I had help create with my husband. Her joy and innocence is something you don't witness on a day to day basis.
Maybe as a parent you see this in your child but for those who have never had a child it isn't always so noticeable. At least it wasn't for me prior to Lily's birth.
Now as a new mom and a relatively new wife I am living this life that though I had never dreamt of as a little girl growing up, I am certain is where I am destined to be. I recognize the unique gifts that God has given me as a woman to love and serve my family. To be able to show my daughter the kind of woman she should be. I love my husband and the way he loves us. For a girl who grew up in a home that wasn't all that together the word family has meant different things to me depending on the period of time in my life you caught me in. Not having a healthy day to day real life example left allot of questions to be answered prior to entering into this new role as wife and mother. One that with great pride I am working out with the help of my God, husband, daughter, mother, step father, in-laws and friends. My greatest desire being to create a life for Lily that she can model and place where she knows she is loved and appreciated. So this next year, while she grows faster than I can imagine, I challenge myself to grow right along with her. So that we can look back and say we have done well. :)
