Night thoughts

OK so here I am sitting in my new apartment. I can't believe I am finally here. It is huge! And for those of you who know me, huge is not some thing I am used to. It is a far cry from the beach shack I lived in back in Carlsbad....oh the days of no heaters and rooms on top of one another! Well those days are over and here I am a girl in her humongous room on her sup comfy bed determining the color she wants to paint the walls. love it and can't wait for you to come see it yourself. No worries I will be posting photos just as soon as the decorating as been completed!
Anyhow...
You know how when you move, or have some big change in your life, it can often lead to you reminiscing about days gone by, looking at old photos and maybe even talking to old friends.
Well that has definitely been me over the last few nights. While I have been up to my ears in paper work for my job, that I am not so excited over, going to this event and that event, learning about a new city and meeting all sorts of interesting characters. I have had the chance to reconnect with some good memories and delightful people. You never know how things are going to work out.
I have woken up several times in the last week, randomly having someone on my heart to pray for, write, call or I guess just keep in the back of my mind for some thing later on. I don't know how to explain it but I have had more interesting encounters with people than I have had in long long time.
The other night I went to this home group through the church that Rene and I have been attending in the morning. We all talked and then went over some Scripture but later we broke into two smaller groups and offered up listening ears and prayer in case anyone was in need. This was something I was really excited about because prayer has always been one of my favorite things to do for others. For the last few months I had felt dry in my desire to do this but for some reason over the last few weeks the Lord has quenched that thirst and this was going to be my first time to intercede on the behalf of people and I was really excited to do so.
So there I was in a group of five and only two of the four people in front of me had requests but I was totally taken by the Holy Spirit when I had the opportunity to pray for the family of one of the guys in our group. Now I won't go into detail of what the prayer was about but the Lord came first with a word while I was listening to him tell us his request and then the group asked me to lead in the prayer and I jumped at the opportunity. The Lord had words that night and I was thankful that I was being used to share them. I felt at home for the first time in a long time. I have often wondered if the Lord has given me a gift of intercession, but there are so many times where that has brought such fear in my heart that I have turned away from it. But that night the desire returned and I was happy to be there.
I find such peace when I am in the midst of what I know He is calling me to do. This is a peace I have not felt in such a long time and I am so thankful that the Lord reminded me of.
Just last night I was reminded of someone else I needed to pray for and it sat on my heart all night and into today. Its hard to pray for this person because I often get caught up on the assumption that I must know the need in order to pray, or know the person, or hear a desire. I am not sure I know any of those things about this person but I am praying anyway.

The word that comes to mind over and over again throughout these last few weeks is redemption. I think to each person I have talked to about this it has held a different meaning, but right now it means a very specific thing to one person and I am interceding for them now. I pray this word and its meaning brings the peace you need.

Honesty doesn't come so easily.

What do you do when you find out something that breaks you in half?
When you look a fool?

I found it.

I've got moves you've never seen

Tonight we watched Justin Timberlake's Bringing Sexy Back Tour on HBO.
You know what thought came to mind....
Why can't all men dance like that?
There is something so damn sexy about a man who can dance!
And maybe some of you could care less, one way or the other if your man knows how to hear the beat and then move his body in such a way that it makes the very fiber of your being sway and move right along with him. But as for me, there is simply nothing sexier then a man who can move.
Now top that off with the ability to sing (which is a plus and not a necessity) and then there is great style, humor and well lets face it good looks and you have your self one nice little package.

Now the reality of the matter is that there are so many more things that need to be added to this list, but right now I'm not talking about to much reality, la la land is just fine.
Oh Justin Timberlake....

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Lets say that it takes a lot for me to get things some times and more often than not I think it has to be beaten into my head and my heart. I have come to realize that when I take something into my life I go to nth degree to make it part of me and my world. Then when that is taken away or needs to be left behind I am so stubborn. I do not want to let go.
I told a friend once that its like a tree being pulled roots and all from the ground, it comes up but not without a little soil and earth along the way. This is not an easy task and is proving to be something that comes with great consequences.
Now I don't think that I am any different from anyone else. I think we all have our things, and this is just mine. But lately it seems like I look at myself and wonder who the hell I am. Things that I was certain of have been turned upside down and things that left me confused in times of my past are only returning to rear their ugly heads. I long for one thing and at times live out another. I am at times feeling like I am one person and at odds with the other. This is no new concept amongst us I am sure, but wow the awareness of this has come in such intensity that I am left overwhelmed and seeking out forgiveness, grace, mercy and understanding.
It is the Lords response to this that is leaving me humbled.
There are people I could ask for all this and more, but I am not guaranteed this or anything else. Then there is He who offers it with no hesitation. I cannot believe this. I cannot handle this. I cannot fathom this.
So here I am the day after of yet another one of those times where I walked in Hyde's shoes and not so sure of the damage I have caused.

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering." Romans 7:21-8:3

Shadowfeet lyrics

Walking,stumbling On These Shadowfeet

Toward Home,a Land That I've Never Seen

I Am Changing: Less And Less Asleep

Made Of Different Stuff Than When I Began

And I Have Sensed It All Along

Fast Approaching Is The Day



When The World Has Fallen Out From Under Me

I'll Be Found In You, Still Standing

When The Sky Rolls Up And Mountains Fall On Their Knees

When Time And Space Are Through

I'll Be Found In You



Theres Distraction Buzzing In My Head

Saying In The Shadows It's Easier To Stay

But I've Heard Rumors Of True Reality

Whispers Of A Well-lit Way



You Make All Things New



When The World Has Fallen Out From Under Me

I'll Be Found In You, Still Standing

Every Fear And Accusation Under My Feet

When Time And Space Are Through

I'll Be Found In You

I love you slipped

in a whisper
in the car
in the room just under the blare of the music.
when you hold your hand in mine
when your angry over the confusion of a new city
when you left.

updated and well... just read

Today I sit in the basement of my friends house. I don't have a place to call my own yet, I'm waiting on Rene before that can happen, so for the last few weeks I've had this difficult time having somewhere I can call my own. I am welcome in each place I lay my head but to not have a place I can call my own is hard. In allot of ways I've struggled more with this move then I did any other in the past. After a long day at work all I want to do is come home and relax and not feel like I'm intruding on someone elses routine.
So anyhow, here I am a month into my new life in Nash and I'm already being broken in the way I should be I suppose. Got into a car accident today. The lady demolished the back end of my car and its now in the shop and I will be receiving a new new car.
I am working at my new job, stressin and at times going bananas trying to retain all the crap I have to know. But I'm making it slowly, very slowly, but surely.
I have met some pretty cool people, seen allot of movies, ate allot of food, and missed the heck out of my San Diego family.
There are more things but its late and i can't think straight so I will be back