Lets talk about...

So its getting down to the wire. I have about a week left here in beautiful San Diego and it is starting to hit me how hard it is going to be to leave this place that I have called my home for the better part of my life. Its funny because so many times I have prepared to leave this place and have done all the goodbyes and the rushing around like a chicken with her head cut off. But this is the first time that I am leaving and not coming back. There will be no temporary goodbye to my house and the ocean and friends/family. I can't believe I'm packing all my crap into my car and driving across country. This is going to be one hell of an adventure.

So here is the break down. I'm having a party this weekend, which should be amazing, then its one last week of work, gym time, surfing, tanning and hitting up all my favorite eateries. (that's right this is the last time I get GOOD mexican food, I don't care what you say if you have had our mexican no where in the USA compares and don't try to convince me otherwise) Then next Saturday I am off to AZ to see my old friends and the next morning I start the long haul to Colorado then Missouri and finally Tennessee! I get there the 3rd and will spend my first holiday in the great city of Nashville.

As for the info, my number will stay the same for awhile so people can get a hold of me. I will inform you of the new digits when it happens. If you all want my new address toss me an email as I will not be posting it on here. (you know stalkers and all) haha...

Time is short

I'm not sure how to write what I am feeling but for some reason I think if I write this down it will some how make things make more sense. I witnessed a 19 year old girl die today after a tragic car accident just outside of my work. She was involved in a head on collision with another vehicle and the front end of her car compacted her inside. I ran to check and see if I could help but when we checked for a pulse there was nothing. A few moments later a fire truck came and they worked on getting her out but it was as if they knew it was too late. They tried to revive her but she had already been gone for over fifteen minutes. It was surreal seeing this girl lay there with no life. There was a body but not life left in her. All I could do was think about her family and how they didn't know. She had no idea that it was going to end today. The pain her family must be feeling and that it all happened so suddenly. I prayed and cried on my drive home for so many reasons, but mainly I thought of how I just take things for granted and I think I have time. It made me wanna call everyone and do everything I had been meaning to do. Even after I got home and had discussed it with a few people it hadn't really sunk in. It wasn't til a little bit ago that it really started to take its toll. Sometimes there are things that we won't deal with or we won't do because we are too scared. We won't tell people things or try certain things cause we either think we have the time to or something, if not ourselves, holds us back from taking that step. We let go of passions, we forget about dreams, we miss the big picture or even the small one. We let the lame things over rule the most powerful moments we could experience and for what?
It makes me frustrated, frustrated at me, at others and I just want to say "What do you expect? What did you think was going to happen? Is this really how you want it to be? Are you gonna walk around with your tail between your legs cause your too damn scared to step it up?" There are things we need to take time out to do, relationships that need mending or maybe just expression of truth and love, whatever that may look like to you. I don't know. I just know that seeing that young vibrant girl laying there lifeless and knowing minutes before she was probably singing to some song on the radio thinking she had all the time in the world, changes things. I'm not going to forget what Tess looked like laying there on the pavement, and I hope I don't get stuck in this rut again.
And if I do...may I be found again and pulled from it.

abide

Get Moving!

Abide in Me . . . —John 15:4

In the matter of determination.

The Spirit of Jesus is put into me by way of the atonement by the Cross of Christ. I then have to build my thinking patiently to bring it into perfect harmony with my Lord. God will not make me think like Jesus— I have to do it myself. I have to bring "every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5 ). "Abide in Me"— in intellectual matters, in money matters, in every one of the matters that make human life what it is. Our lives are not made up of only one neatly confined area.

Am I preventing God from doing things in my circumstances by saying that it will only serve to hinder my fellowship with Him? How irrelevant and disrespectful that is! It does not matter what my circumstances are. I can be as much assured of abiding in Jesus in any one of them as I am in any prayer meeting. It is unnecessary to change and arrange my circumstances myself. Our Lord’s inner abiding was pure and unblemished. He was at home with God wherever His body was. He never chose His own circumstances, but was meek, submitting to His Father’s plans and directions for Him. Just think of how amazingly relaxed our Lord’s life was! But we tend to keep God at a fever pitch in our lives. We have none of the serenity of the life which is "hidden with Christ in God" ( Colossians 3:3 ).

Think of the things that take you out of the position of abiding in Christ. You say, "Yes, Lord, just a minute— I still have this to do. Yes, I will abide as soon as this is finished, or as soon as this week is over. It will be all right, Lord. I will abide then." Get moving— begin to abide now. In the initial stages it will be a continual effort to abide, but as you continue, it will become so much a part of your life that you will abide in Him without any conscious effort. Make the determination to abide in Jesus wherever you are now or wherever you may be placed in the future.

Nashville Update...here I come!!!!!

Ok boys and girls I just returned from a very eventful week in Nashville, my new home. Here is the deal. I went for about five days and I interviewed at 5 different places. Three of which I was really interested in and three of which I think I have in the bag, well at least two of them. And though all three are good opportunities and for different reasons I could choose each one. I have decided to take the first job which is working as a case manager for adults with mental retardation. The job starts the third week of July so I will be leaving here June 30th to head to AZ for a night then onto CO where I pick up my buddy T-diggs and then onto MO and then TN.....soooo if you are some where on the way I would love to see you. I appreciate all the prayers and support and I ask that you all continue to pray for me as I will be going out about two weeks before I start and will be in a tight bind financially.

So if you wanna come to San Diego you got two weeks, if you want to come to Nashville you got some time...love you guys

How it goes

Its amazing how things go. These past couple days I have had this interesting encounter with life. I have been on my knees more then I have in a while, and so many a Christians would say when you get deeper you can expect the attacks to come, and maybe that is what this is, but at the same time I have had this difficulty with that thought process. I have been battling with thoughts of discouragement and fear, going toe to toe with things that shouldn't be a big deal but have been. Talking about it seems trivial and pointless but last night was by far the most intense time I have had in a long time. I had a horribly uncomfortable and awkward encounter with a friend, I struggled to focus on prayer and worship and when I drove home I felt like my heart was suffocating. I know that this is a moment that passes and I am not looking for words or a fix it plan. I am just setting myself before the Lord and asking him what he has for me in this. But I am wanting to share this with you all maybe partially to ask you to pray for me, to intercede on my behalf, but also to say these are the moments where the happy fluffy Christian stuff goes out the door and I recognize the reality of walking with the Lord. Now I have never been one to assume that things should be perfect and I am not trying to claim that, I know full well the ups and downs of walking with the Lord and walking with myself really. I feel heavy and overloaded with crap that I, I refuse to let go of. I don't truly desire to hold onto it but yet and still here I am gripping it to death. So today I am laying it down and I may have to do this over and over again and that's ok. Whats not ok is continuing to walk around like I am able to do this without the help of the Lord. As though the issues that come up, whether big or small, pointless or meaningful, are something to put aside and think about later. I refuse to stay in this place when it is so evident that He is calling me to something more. When my spirit longs for more.

I believe

Today I was in a discussion with someone about romance and how they lacked in that area and how most women long for it. It got me to thinking about how we loved to be pursued and romanced, even once we have been snatched up by the one who captures our hearts. It never gets old to be pursued. So then this song came to my mind, I wanted to post it for you all to listen to but I am lame and don't know how to do it, so instead I'm posting the words and hope you seek it out yourself. Have a blessed day ladies and I hope you feel pursued, if not by him or only him but by the Lord who pursues us each morning with the sunrise...but for now, let me say I hope you feel pursued by the one who has captured your attention.

Bethany Dillon: For my Love

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Ask me for my love

Travel Monkey..

Ok friends sorry there was so much shushing but I have been a busy busy woman. Since the last blog about being quiet I went to a wedding in Idaho but flew in Wyoming to and drove the rest of the way with my good buddy Tyler. Then came home and was here for about four days when I got a great surprise invite to Virgina and headed out there for about five days. It is beautiful there by the way so those of you who have never been there need to go, especially if you are on my side of the continent and don't get much peace and quiet. It was great. So now I am home for about a week and then I head off to Nashville to get set up for the big move. I am hoping that I will be interviewing with a few places, there is one job in particular that would be great, so please keep me in your prayers and I will be sure to keep you posted on the happenings.
Other then that things are good for the most part.
I have been thinking about allot of things and trying to spend time hearing the Lord.
Times have been dry and so they will be here and there in life but something I am coming to grips with is that things aren't predictable or controllable; and there are things that I will need to just step into and trust that the Lord always has it. Its funny how we can come back to the same struggles or concepts over and over again. Anyhow just a thought...more later, now I'm off to work.

So You Think You Can Dance....

Ok ok so its that time again this week marked the second week of auditions for SYTYCD and then next week we are on to Vegas where they will take their top dancers on to LA where yours truly will be going to as many live tapings as possible before the big move to Nashville.
Now for those of you who aren't current fans of the show, you have no idea what you are missing and you need to get into it cause its worth it!

Bos...you need to get your white Canadian body down here and attend a show with me. I am not going to know when I have tickets but it will be soon that much I do know. So get your arse down here and lets go get our dance on. Miss you friend.
Ok that is it for my plug on my favorite show. Peace out.