A year at a glance

Well here it is, the end of the year and I can hardly believe all the changes that have taken place. So in true Nicci form I'm giving you a list of twelve things that have taken place in my life in 2007....

1. January started with a trip to Sierra Leone where I learned more about me than I thought I would in a short period of time. More then ever am I sure that I am in love with Africa.

2. February I met Ryan Thomas Neace and took a stab at teaching 7th grade.

3. March I got sick and had to come home to the states.

4. April decided I was going to move to Nashville.

5. May had some hard times, was real sick, witnessed a girl die, prepared myself to move across the US. Found out I was officially allergic to wheat and gluten.

6. June found a job in Nash, enjoyed my last summer as a Cali resident, worked hard and took on a personal trainer.

7. July drove across country, had my first 4th of July in Nashville and missed the hell out of my family and friends in CA.

8. August Rene moved to Nashville (BFFs reunited!!) found a great church, settled into my job, got my barrings in Nash and soaked up the fact that I was going to continuously run into people like Cheryl Crowe and Chris Rice cause that's just how it is in the ville.

9. September had the most hectic work month of my life, thought of quiting a million and a half times, found an apartment with Rene!

10. October Ryan and I take the next step in our dating relationship, a bit more committed.
Saw So You Think You Can Dance at the Sommet Center and LOVED it!

11. November spent Thanksgiving in Illinois. The intensity of work finally calmed down. Prepared for the fams visit in December.

12. December had my first family Christmas in Nashville. Got some amazing presents. and most importantly I GOT ENGAGED!!!!!!!

so there it is...can't wait for 2008. Blessings.

What I see

The last few days I have had what I am referring to as emotional stress.
I don't know that it is the correct terminology or not.
And to be honest at this point, it doesn't really matter.
I have found myself being broken over things like commercials about a son who uses his credit card to take his dad to Sweden or the smell of something that brings up a memory, to the beauty of dance, words spoken shared between me and friends, family or complete strangers.
I have been taken back by the greatness of how things come together and just find that I am so small within it all.
I lost one of my clients this week to cancer. It spread from her breasts to her bones and her liver. She was nonverbal so I never heard her complain but the amazing thing is she never showed pain or symptoms. She was just herself, happy and smiling.
It was only five weeks from the time of diagnosis to her death but it seems amazing to me. I don't think it is sad but rather good for this way she doesn't have to suffer. I don't know just amazes me.
This morning I was listening to a sermon called The Bema Seat. I have heard it time and time again and I am not sure what it is about this sermon that ushers me into the presence of the Lord but for some reason I hear it and I recognize my flaws. I see them not in a way that makes me feel condemned and worthless but as the sinner, daughter and princess that I am.
I love this glimpse because it is then that I feel I am not looking at myself for the purpose of some sort of selfish gain but so that I can see the greatness of Him.
There are a million things going on inside. I think we are all here at times in our lives. Where there is so much going on and you just want to have it taken care of so you can sit back, take a deep breath and enjoy what is before you. This is where I am now but I am embracing it different than I have many times in the past. I don't want to complain, I don't want to whine, I just want to be at peace with where "this" is.
So here I was today sitting at my desk listening to worship and the Bema Seat and I wept. I thought about all this nonsense and just took a deep breath. I asked the Lord what it was that would bring him praise and the answer came to me in several parts. Some of it was to sit and worship Him at that moment with songs from my heart. Then tonight I took a dance class. I love to dance! There is something in me that wakens when I am dancing. I do not claim to be the best at any one kind of dance but it is one thing that the Lord has planted deep within me that brings me such joy and in turn I believe brings Him that same joy. I am confident that each of us has at least one thing within us that makes us come alive. That can take that negative thought from our minds, hearts and spirits. I long for each of us to experience worshiping the Lord in that gift.

Night thoughts

OK so here I am sitting in my new apartment. I can't believe I am finally here. It is huge! And for those of you who know me, huge is not some thing I am used to. It is a far cry from the beach shack I lived in back in Carlsbad....oh the days of no heaters and rooms on top of one another! Well those days are over and here I am a girl in her humongous room on her sup comfy bed determining the color she wants to paint the walls. love it and can't wait for you to come see it yourself. No worries I will be posting photos just as soon as the decorating as been completed!
Anyhow...
You know how when you move, or have some big change in your life, it can often lead to you reminiscing about days gone by, looking at old photos and maybe even talking to old friends.
Well that has definitely been me over the last few nights. While I have been up to my ears in paper work for my job, that I am not so excited over, going to this event and that event, learning about a new city and meeting all sorts of interesting characters. I have had the chance to reconnect with some good memories and delightful people. You never know how things are going to work out.
I have woken up several times in the last week, randomly having someone on my heart to pray for, write, call or I guess just keep in the back of my mind for some thing later on. I don't know how to explain it but I have had more interesting encounters with people than I have had in long long time.
The other night I went to this home group through the church that Rene and I have been attending in the morning. We all talked and then went over some Scripture but later we broke into two smaller groups and offered up listening ears and prayer in case anyone was in need. This was something I was really excited about because prayer has always been one of my favorite things to do for others. For the last few months I had felt dry in my desire to do this but for some reason over the last few weeks the Lord has quenched that thirst and this was going to be my first time to intercede on the behalf of people and I was really excited to do so.
So there I was in a group of five and only two of the four people in front of me had requests but I was totally taken by the Holy Spirit when I had the opportunity to pray for the family of one of the guys in our group. Now I won't go into detail of what the prayer was about but the Lord came first with a word while I was listening to him tell us his request and then the group asked me to lead in the prayer and I jumped at the opportunity. The Lord had words that night and I was thankful that I was being used to share them. I felt at home for the first time in a long time. I have often wondered if the Lord has given me a gift of intercession, but there are so many times where that has brought such fear in my heart that I have turned away from it. But that night the desire returned and I was happy to be there.
I find such peace when I am in the midst of what I know He is calling me to do. This is a peace I have not felt in such a long time and I am so thankful that the Lord reminded me of.
Just last night I was reminded of someone else I needed to pray for and it sat on my heart all night and into today. Its hard to pray for this person because I often get caught up on the assumption that I must know the need in order to pray, or know the person, or hear a desire. I am not sure I know any of those things about this person but I am praying anyway.

The word that comes to mind over and over again throughout these last few weeks is redemption. I think to each person I have talked to about this it has held a different meaning, but right now it means a very specific thing to one person and I am interceding for them now. I pray this word and its meaning brings the peace you need.

Honesty doesn't come so easily.

What do you do when you find out something that breaks you in half?
When you look a fool?

I found it.

I've got moves you've never seen

Tonight we watched Justin Timberlake's Bringing Sexy Back Tour on HBO.
You know what thought came to mind....
Why can't all men dance like that?
There is something so damn sexy about a man who can dance!
And maybe some of you could care less, one way or the other if your man knows how to hear the beat and then move his body in such a way that it makes the very fiber of your being sway and move right along with him. But as for me, there is simply nothing sexier then a man who can move.
Now top that off with the ability to sing (which is a plus and not a necessity) and then there is great style, humor and well lets face it good looks and you have your self one nice little package.

Now the reality of the matter is that there are so many more things that need to be added to this list, but right now I'm not talking about to much reality, la la land is just fine.
Oh Justin Timberlake....

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Lets say that it takes a lot for me to get things some times and more often than not I think it has to be beaten into my head and my heart. I have come to realize that when I take something into my life I go to nth degree to make it part of me and my world. Then when that is taken away or needs to be left behind I am so stubborn. I do not want to let go.
I told a friend once that its like a tree being pulled roots and all from the ground, it comes up but not without a little soil and earth along the way. This is not an easy task and is proving to be something that comes with great consequences.
Now I don't think that I am any different from anyone else. I think we all have our things, and this is just mine. But lately it seems like I look at myself and wonder who the hell I am. Things that I was certain of have been turned upside down and things that left me confused in times of my past are only returning to rear their ugly heads. I long for one thing and at times live out another. I am at times feeling like I am one person and at odds with the other. This is no new concept amongst us I am sure, but wow the awareness of this has come in such intensity that I am left overwhelmed and seeking out forgiveness, grace, mercy and understanding.
It is the Lords response to this that is leaving me humbled.
There are people I could ask for all this and more, but I am not guaranteed this or anything else. Then there is He who offers it with no hesitation. I cannot believe this. I cannot handle this. I cannot fathom this.
So here I am the day after of yet another one of those times where I walked in Hyde's shoes and not so sure of the damage I have caused.

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering." Romans 7:21-8:3

Shadowfeet lyrics

Walking,stumbling On These Shadowfeet

Toward Home,a Land That I've Never Seen

I Am Changing: Less And Less Asleep

Made Of Different Stuff Than When I Began

And I Have Sensed It All Along

Fast Approaching Is The Day



When The World Has Fallen Out From Under Me

I'll Be Found In You, Still Standing

When The Sky Rolls Up And Mountains Fall On Their Knees

When Time And Space Are Through

I'll Be Found In You



Theres Distraction Buzzing In My Head

Saying In The Shadows It's Easier To Stay

But I've Heard Rumors Of True Reality

Whispers Of A Well-lit Way



You Make All Things New



When The World Has Fallen Out From Under Me

I'll Be Found In You, Still Standing

Every Fear And Accusation Under My Feet

When Time And Space Are Through

I'll Be Found In You

I love you slipped

in a whisper
in the car
in the room just under the blare of the music.
when you hold your hand in mine
when your angry over the confusion of a new city
when you left.

updated and well... just read

Today I sit in the basement of my friends house. I don't have a place to call my own yet, I'm waiting on Rene before that can happen, so for the last few weeks I've had this difficult time having somewhere I can call my own. I am welcome in each place I lay my head but to not have a place I can call my own is hard. In allot of ways I've struggled more with this move then I did any other in the past. After a long day at work all I want to do is come home and relax and not feel like I'm intruding on someone elses routine.
So anyhow, here I am a month into my new life in Nash and I'm already being broken in the way I should be I suppose. Got into a car accident today. The lady demolished the back end of my car and its now in the shop and I will be receiving a new new car.
I am working at my new job, stressin and at times going bananas trying to retain all the crap I have to know. But I'm making it slowly, very slowly, but surely.
I have met some pretty cool people, seen allot of movies, ate allot of food, and missed the heck out of my San Diego family.
There are more things but its late and i can't think straight so I will be back

I love

the words of the Lord
the sound of the ocean
the smell of the grass just after the rain
dancing in the isles
that song that penetrates me to the core
the way brown looks so good on him
the sunset at Torrey Pines Cliffs
the sound of my moms voice
the mystery of HIS presence
my brothers ability to make all things funny
creating whole story lines in a dance
learning about you
laughing til I cry
having the freedom to be me
the ease of that freedom with my best friends
forgiveness
lilies and tulips
pushing myself to the next level
the power of words
spontaneity
mangoes
Africa in the fall
that the list keeps on going...

Adventures in a new city

Well, Ive officially been in Nashville for about a week and things are good. Ive been getting settled into the time change, the new house, new streets and sites to see. I've gone to several Mexican restaurants and am surprised to say that it ain't half bad. Now granted I can only have corn tortillas and carne asada but its been good nonetheless.
Today I ventured out and went looking for houses and apartments that Rene and I might be interested in (for those who don't know Rene is moving out here with me, she'll be here in August). I got lost in a few neighborhoods but found one of the most beautiful homes and it had a red door! Unfortunately it wasn't for rent. :(
Then I went to the gym, which was UH-mazing, and made some friends there. I don't know if its just that people here are that much nicer then Californians or that I'm putting out a "I'm new" vibe but I have met people everywhere I've gone these past few days. I love it to say the least.
I start my new job this coming Monday which should be great. I really enjoy the people I'll be working with there is one lady there whose name is Joyce, she is the sweetest lady, she just reminds me of my grandma and I feel at peace around her. So I'm excited to say the least.
Anyhow just thought I'd give a minor update. Hope all is well in your part of the world.

Lets talk about...

So its getting down to the wire. I have about a week left here in beautiful San Diego and it is starting to hit me how hard it is going to be to leave this place that I have called my home for the better part of my life. Its funny because so many times I have prepared to leave this place and have done all the goodbyes and the rushing around like a chicken with her head cut off. But this is the first time that I am leaving and not coming back. There will be no temporary goodbye to my house and the ocean and friends/family. I can't believe I'm packing all my crap into my car and driving across country. This is going to be one hell of an adventure.

So here is the break down. I'm having a party this weekend, which should be amazing, then its one last week of work, gym time, surfing, tanning and hitting up all my favorite eateries. (that's right this is the last time I get GOOD mexican food, I don't care what you say if you have had our mexican no where in the USA compares and don't try to convince me otherwise) Then next Saturday I am off to AZ to see my old friends and the next morning I start the long haul to Colorado then Missouri and finally Tennessee! I get there the 3rd and will spend my first holiday in the great city of Nashville.

As for the info, my number will stay the same for awhile so people can get a hold of me. I will inform you of the new digits when it happens. If you all want my new address toss me an email as I will not be posting it on here. (you know stalkers and all) haha...

Time is short

I'm not sure how to write what I am feeling but for some reason I think if I write this down it will some how make things make more sense. I witnessed a 19 year old girl die today after a tragic car accident just outside of my work. She was involved in a head on collision with another vehicle and the front end of her car compacted her inside. I ran to check and see if I could help but when we checked for a pulse there was nothing. A few moments later a fire truck came and they worked on getting her out but it was as if they knew it was too late. They tried to revive her but she had already been gone for over fifteen minutes. It was surreal seeing this girl lay there with no life. There was a body but not life left in her. All I could do was think about her family and how they didn't know. She had no idea that it was going to end today. The pain her family must be feeling and that it all happened so suddenly. I prayed and cried on my drive home for so many reasons, but mainly I thought of how I just take things for granted and I think I have time. It made me wanna call everyone and do everything I had been meaning to do. Even after I got home and had discussed it with a few people it hadn't really sunk in. It wasn't til a little bit ago that it really started to take its toll. Sometimes there are things that we won't deal with or we won't do because we are too scared. We won't tell people things or try certain things cause we either think we have the time to or something, if not ourselves, holds us back from taking that step. We let go of passions, we forget about dreams, we miss the big picture or even the small one. We let the lame things over rule the most powerful moments we could experience and for what?
It makes me frustrated, frustrated at me, at others and I just want to say "What do you expect? What did you think was going to happen? Is this really how you want it to be? Are you gonna walk around with your tail between your legs cause your too damn scared to step it up?" There are things we need to take time out to do, relationships that need mending or maybe just expression of truth and love, whatever that may look like to you. I don't know. I just know that seeing that young vibrant girl laying there lifeless and knowing minutes before she was probably singing to some song on the radio thinking she had all the time in the world, changes things. I'm not going to forget what Tess looked like laying there on the pavement, and I hope I don't get stuck in this rut again.
And if I do...may I be found again and pulled from it.

abide

Get Moving!

Abide in Me . . . —John 15:4

In the matter of determination.

The Spirit of Jesus is put into me by way of the atonement by the Cross of Christ. I then have to build my thinking patiently to bring it into perfect harmony with my Lord. God will not make me think like Jesus— I have to do it myself. I have to bring "every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5 ). "Abide in Me"— in intellectual matters, in money matters, in every one of the matters that make human life what it is. Our lives are not made up of only one neatly confined area.

Am I preventing God from doing things in my circumstances by saying that it will only serve to hinder my fellowship with Him? How irrelevant and disrespectful that is! It does not matter what my circumstances are. I can be as much assured of abiding in Jesus in any one of them as I am in any prayer meeting. It is unnecessary to change and arrange my circumstances myself. Our Lord’s inner abiding was pure and unblemished. He was at home with God wherever His body was. He never chose His own circumstances, but was meek, submitting to His Father’s plans and directions for Him. Just think of how amazingly relaxed our Lord’s life was! But we tend to keep God at a fever pitch in our lives. We have none of the serenity of the life which is "hidden with Christ in God" ( Colossians 3:3 ).

Think of the things that take you out of the position of abiding in Christ. You say, "Yes, Lord, just a minute— I still have this to do. Yes, I will abide as soon as this is finished, or as soon as this week is over. It will be all right, Lord. I will abide then." Get moving— begin to abide now. In the initial stages it will be a continual effort to abide, but as you continue, it will become so much a part of your life that you will abide in Him without any conscious effort. Make the determination to abide in Jesus wherever you are now or wherever you may be placed in the future.

Nashville Update...here I come!!!!!

Ok boys and girls I just returned from a very eventful week in Nashville, my new home. Here is the deal. I went for about five days and I interviewed at 5 different places. Three of which I was really interested in and three of which I think I have in the bag, well at least two of them. And though all three are good opportunities and for different reasons I could choose each one. I have decided to take the first job which is working as a case manager for adults with mental retardation. The job starts the third week of July so I will be leaving here June 30th to head to AZ for a night then onto CO where I pick up my buddy T-diggs and then onto MO and then TN.....soooo if you are some where on the way I would love to see you. I appreciate all the prayers and support and I ask that you all continue to pray for me as I will be going out about two weeks before I start and will be in a tight bind financially.

So if you wanna come to San Diego you got two weeks, if you want to come to Nashville you got some time...love you guys

How it goes

Its amazing how things go. These past couple days I have had this interesting encounter with life. I have been on my knees more then I have in a while, and so many a Christians would say when you get deeper you can expect the attacks to come, and maybe that is what this is, but at the same time I have had this difficulty with that thought process. I have been battling with thoughts of discouragement and fear, going toe to toe with things that shouldn't be a big deal but have been. Talking about it seems trivial and pointless but last night was by far the most intense time I have had in a long time. I had a horribly uncomfortable and awkward encounter with a friend, I struggled to focus on prayer and worship and when I drove home I felt like my heart was suffocating. I know that this is a moment that passes and I am not looking for words or a fix it plan. I am just setting myself before the Lord and asking him what he has for me in this. But I am wanting to share this with you all maybe partially to ask you to pray for me, to intercede on my behalf, but also to say these are the moments where the happy fluffy Christian stuff goes out the door and I recognize the reality of walking with the Lord. Now I have never been one to assume that things should be perfect and I am not trying to claim that, I know full well the ups and downs of walking with the Lord and walking with myself really. I feel heavy and overloaded with crap that I, I refuse to let go of. I don't truly desire to hold onto it but yet and still here I am gripping it to death. So today I am laying it down and I may have to do this over and over again and that's ok. Whats not ok is continuing to walk around like I am able to do this without the help of the Lord. As though the issues that come up, whether big or small, pointless or meaningful, are something to put aside and think about later. I refuse to stay in this place when it is so evident that He is calling me to something more. When my spirit longs for more.

I believe

Today I was in a discussion with someone about romance and how they lacked in that area and how most women long for it. It got me to thinking about how we loved to be pursued and romanced, even once we have been snatched up by the one who captures our hearts. It never gets old to be pursued. So then this song came to my mind, I wanted to post it for you all to listen to but I am lame and don't know how to do it, so instead I'm posting the words and hope you seek it out yourself. Have a blessed day ladies and I hope you feel pursued, if not by him or only him but by the Lord who pursues us each morning with the sunrise...but for now, let me say I hope you feel pursued by the one who has captured your attention.

Bethany Dillon: For my Love

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Ask me for my love

Travel Monkey..

Ok friends sorry there was so much shushing but I have been a busy busy woman. Since the last blog about being quiet I went to a wedding in Idaho but flew in Wyoming to and drove the rest of the way with my good buddy Tyler. Then came home and was here for about four days when I got a great surprise invite to Virgina and headed out there for about five days. It is beautiful there by the way so those of you who have never been there need to go, especially if you are on my side of the continent and don't get much peace and quiet. It was great. So now I am home for about a week and then I head off to Nashville to get set up for the big move. I am hoping that I will be interviewing with a few places, there is one job in particular that would be great, so please keep me in your prayers and I will be sure to keep you posted on the happenings.
Other then that things are good for the most part.
I have been thinking about allot of things and trying to spend time hearing the Lord.
Times have been dry and so they will be here and there in life but something I am coming to grips with is that things aren't predictable or controllable; and there are things that I will need to just step into and trust that the Lord always has it. Its funny how we can come back to the same struggles or concepts over and over again. Anyhow just a thought...more later, now I'm off to work.

So You Think You Can Dance....

Ok ok so its that time again this week marked the second week of auditions for SYTYCD and then next week we are on to Vegas where they will take their top dancers on to LA where yours truly will be going to as many live tapings as possible before the big move to Nashville.
Now for those of you who aren't current fans of the show, you have no idea what you are missing and you need to get into it cause its worth it!

Bos...you need to get your white Canadian body down here and attend a show with me. I am not going to know when I have tickets but it will be soon that much I do know. So get your arse down here and lets go get our dance on. Miss you friend.
Ok that is it for my plug on my favorite show. Peace out.

Shhhh....

Today I missed the conversation, the intimate exchange of thoughts and feelings, the challenge and the growth. I thought about the last time that I felt full. Full of Him and awake in what this all means. It's been awhile since I have been there, you know that place where we embrace one

another. Where this all falls into place and at the end of it all I walk away amazed by His splendor. How does it come and go so easily? Why is it this "thing" that I set aside like I can function without it? I can't function. I miss it. I miss it.
So there is this longing that I have and I take it out on others cause I refuse to see it starts with me. I long for the exchange, I fight for it with my spirit. But I miss it with my flesh. I miss it with my intentions and my self crap. Then you come along and I ask you to fill it, and here I am again missing it. I get mad cause you wont give me what I want when all I really need to do is set myself at the his feet. Be quiet and just lay there.
So today I saw that Ive been missing it, and so I'm sitting here at his feet and waiting. Being quiet in hopes that I don't try and fill myself with noise again...but again will happen. So for now I will take that grace that falls like rain and wash myself in it.

For the Ladies!

Ok ladies do I have a song for you...now we all know that I love to dance, and for most of you that read this I know you like getting your grove on as well, so here it is.... I found the next best song to blast in your room while getting ready and doing that thing you do in front of the mirror when you want to feel sexy...THATS RIGHT SEXY!!!!!

Go purchase Joss Stones Put Your Hands On Me....I had this song in my head phones this afternoon and had one hell of a jam session in my room...haha...ok ladies go get your grove on!

ps. the rest of the album is great too, there is a song called Music that is also one of my favorites.

All signs point to me.

Sooo today I think I am walking around with a sign around my neck that says, "Cuss me out, yell at me, hate me." Because today one of my boys took it upon himself to show me just how colorful the English language can be when you throw in a F word here and there. This was probably one of the most out of control moments I have had with a kid since I started almost two years ago. This kid is huge, I mean really heavy set, and he is angry and he wasn't afraid to show it. Now I can normally hold my ground,but this time was a bit scarier then normal and I have to say i was thankful for the male staff that came and stepped in on my behalf.
Anyhow I thought I would share that experience and then say that it is moments like this that get me excited to leave for Nashville. Which leads me into a minor update for those of you who are wondering.
So I am waiting on some job possibilities, I interviewed for one last week that I would actually really like but we will see. the plan is to leave July 1 as my family has decided to stay here til September which is great. I am traveling to Nash next week for about a week and then coming home and gearing up to leave. So those of you who have told me that you want to come and visit you better get a move on cause time is running out!

Random thought from my travels across Wyoming Montana and Idaho this last weekend... I'd like to go camping, I think I'd like to try and go to Yosemite before I leave. Not sure why I am sharing that with you other then to encourage you to get out of the house and enjoy nature.

so my question is...

So I'm in the airport and I'm waiting for my connection to San Diego...
I've walked back and forth trying to stretch my legs and find a place to plug in my laptop.
Now here is my question...what gives a man the thought in his head that he has the right to make ridiculous comments about a woman when he is passing her on the moving sidewalk...or anywhere really? This really gets under my skin.
I was walking on the moving side walk and these three men who work for the airport start guaking at me from the other end and when we pass eachother on the sidewalk they start making comments about my figure, as though I cannot hear them, and talk about me like Im just something to critique. It was so abnoxious! They thought it was flattering and made eyes at me like I was going to hand my number over to them and thank them for such "flattering" remarks. WHATEVER!!!! ugh can i just say that it is the most unattractive disgusting thing that a man can do to a woman.

Story time with Nicci

So lets chat for a minute about the fact that I am obsessed with trees...yea I don't know what it is but I am so fascinated by them that I will sit and just stare at any one tree for hours...I don't know what it is. But then I was thinking back on a conversation I had with a roommate last year when I was going through this time of purification. We were talking about how people or things can become such a part of who you are that they are like trees rooted in the depths of who you are and to rid yourself of it is similar to taking the a tree from the ground. It rips so much of the earth with it that it leave this hole. The hole is filled and the earth heals in time but its changed.
I was thinking about the last few years and all the things the Lord took from me, all for good reason, but it left this hole that he has been filling in over the last year and I am feeling this newness. I am more alive now than I have been in years and I am walking in this joy that is so refreshing.
So in that I am getting ready to start this book, not just a chapter but a book. I have had closure on things that have been open wounds for a long time, and some delightful new additions to my life. I leave in just over a month for Nash and there I will be starting over on a new adventure with my bff and my new family. There is a new job, a new life, a new love....oh my gosh! Guys keep me in your prayers, I interview this week, Wednesday to be exact. There are so many good things going on that I cant do them justice on here but I would love to talk to you all...BOS THIS MEANS YOU. I don't have your number in Canada so hurry your ass up and contact a sista.

Ok love you guys. I will keep you posted on the moving info and the job info. The number is staying the same for awhile though so you all can call me on my celly.

ps... this is a tree i sat under for hours in Boston isn't it marvelous!

Ellen

So last Wednesday I went on the Ellen Show and its airing today so if you wanna try and find me amidst the people in the park I say watch it and have fun....Kelly Clarkson rocked the house (and for those who are player haters I don't know what to tell you) it was allot of fun and thought I'd let you all know...HEY BOS we are going to So You Think You Can Dance later this month....where the hell you at?!?

Warm ears..

smiles smiles tons of smiles. yes you, you made me smile.

song to fit the mood: Bubbly by Colbie....

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today...not so good....someone broke into my car last night. They trashed the inside of the car and stole my ipod and some money, I guess I am lucky they didn't take anything else but it didn't help my day to start off well. Then I got to work and the "queen" my nickname for the boss here, totally got in my face. I just about walked out and left. Ugh this is not a good day, so now I'm venting on here and hoping my day gets better....

What a weekend

Here goes a recap of the weekend and all my thoughts:

Saw my bff get baptised with her bro...what a blessing that was to be a part of.

Sang my heart out with the LAYDAYS at Amandas place...nothing like some good karaoke to get you in the right mind set.

Found out I have a parasite and its been the reason behind my nausea this week.

Saw Spiderman 3 with the bro and though the movie wasn't worth much, it was so good to be with him.

Ryan makes me happy and I cannot wait for August.

If I had to count on myself to get through things, I am not so sure I would make it.

The Mission, though good food had some seriously wack service this morning...but nothing like a little humor to pass the time. Shout out to my bros and Nae Nae.

There is a man out there for my bff and I cannot wait til he gets his ish together and wakes up cause she is amazing.

I like the song.

Im really going to miss my family and the beaches.

Can't wait to get back to the gym tomorrow.

I am not such a super human after all...

Song of the night: Brighter than Sunshine by Aqualung....

Prayer

Just real quick to ask you to pray. I found out I may have to leave San Diego even sooner then I thought, real sad about that today as it means no time with my brother before I go. not even sure how I will pay for my travels to Nashville with such short notice. this could mean instead of the end of June I would be leaving in three weeks. I really want to be able to spend June here so I can be with my brother and my friends and save some money from work. Ugh....lots of tears today. thanks guys

This just in...

Ok so for those who keep asking and I have not been able to give a very definite answer....this may help.
So the family is in the process of selling the business this week, so please keep us in your prayers for that, so mom and Paul plan to leave San Diego on their 6 month tour of the states July 1st and see where the good Lord leads. ( they do have more plans than that but I won't bore you with detail) Anyhow so that means that I am out of here earlier than expected. I will be leaving San Diego before Rene and heading to Nashville on my own. She plans on coming in August and I will be going out there in early June for some interviews (prayerfully) and than coming back packing and moving there before the end of the month. OH MY GOSH! So sadly not as long of a summer break in CA as I hoped for but this is ok as I know the Lord has things for me. I am excited to get out there and start this new chapter!
So I need all the prayers you all can send my way, money is an issue at the current moment and since I will be coming with no furniture what so ever I am asking you Nashvegas buddies of mine to keep your eyes peeled for good deals!
Love you guys
keep you updated as I know more info.

So this weekend...

It was Rene's birthday, we went up north just me, Rene, Meesh and Suz to Hearst Castle and San Luis Obispo and boy was it a time to remember. Lets start this off with saying that I have become more high maintenance in the eating department than I ever thought possible. I hate not being able to eat wheat or gluten and that almost everything I crave has both of those products in them. LAME! So that proved to be interesting aspect of the trip, especially when I blatantly ignored the fact that I get deathly ill when I eat wheat and allowed myself to dip into the friendship bread that Suz made for the car ride. Man did I get sick and boy were the girls troopers! Needless to say I learned my lesson and I will not be doing that again.
Saturday we went to the castle and it was Uh-mazing! I would show you photos but wouldn't you know my camera mysteriously erased all the photos minus the guest pool so you are ish outta luck on that one. Afterwards we went to the this cute little beach town and had lunch and then finished up the night at the Madonna Inn for dessert.
Now as soon as the ladies send me photos I will post them cause you will never believe this place. It was out of control gaudy. I mean one of the rooms looked like strawberry shortcake vomited all over the place. It was crazy but man was it fun. There was a dance floor and there was big band music playing and all these couples out there swing dancing and such, oh man was I wishing I could be out there cutting a rug. We later crashed a sweet 16 party downstairs while trying to get our picture on in the moulin rouge bathroom. It was hysterical you guys I seriously had the best time. But the ringer had to be the fact that we went there for a good birthday dessert for my Rene and because we got there so late we got the left overs.
Oh yes friends I am talking the chocolate sheet cake that looks like it came straight from the local Walmart and tasted like it had been sitting there for about two weeks. I went through hell and back tryin to find a waitress, mind you the one that sat us disappeared into the night and was apparently the only waitress for the entire restaurant. Anyhow she was missing in action so I hunted down a busboy and asked him if I could get a piece cake of something for my girl and the boy hooked it up. Now mind you he informed me that it was the bottom of the barrel as far as choices but I didn't realize it was going to be the worst thing that ever crossed the lips of my three good friends. (this is when I was happy I couldn't eat cake, PTL for an allergy to gluten!) Anyhow it turned into one heck of scene but only became that much funnier when we were reminded of the previous nights occurrence....now bare with me cause you may not think this last little bit is funny but if you know me you will laugh and you will enjoy.
So picture this, I'm laying on the bed in the guest house Friday night. I have tears pouring down my face because I am in so much pain from the damn bite of bread I took. (this is not the funny part) anyhow the ladies come in and gathered around me, giving love the way good girl friends do, when Suz says she would like to pray. So we all close our eyes and Suz starts in just interceding for my belly and what not. Then Nae (Rene for those who don't know I call her that) starts praying just for healing over my allergy all together and an ability to have strength to rely on the Lord and yada yada... So while Nae is speaking I'm just talking to the Lord saying things like "Lord just thanks for these girls and their understanding, and I just pray that the people who will come into my life from here on out will understand the pressures....." Ok so this is where it gets funny, now in true Nicci fashion and I suppose most girl like fashion I immediately transfer from the above thought into, "And lord gosh my husband I pray he just has good taste buds and isn't a steak and potato man...oh...oh gosh my husband, oh wait my wedding...no my wedding cake, I'm not going to be able to eat it cause its made from gluten and wheat, oh Freakin A what am I going to do? (worry and laughter start to build)." Meanwhile Rene is still praying and I am trying so hard to hold it in and I just can't so I bust out in laughter in the midst of her prayer, thus startling the others and we all open our eyes and I'm laughing so hard I can't explain what I'm thinking. You guys this was to much, I have been known to go from one topic to another but never that drastic and to that point during a prayer. I was eventually able to get it out and we all laughed so so hard for like 10 minutes that the cake incident the next night just brought that much more to the plate.

ok sorry this could go on forever and most of you will hear this story live over and over I am sure nonetheless for those who aren't that is the 411 on the weekend.
Took lots of photos those will be up soon. The ones I have on my camera are posted now so check it on myspace or flickr. Love you guys.

One of those days

Do you ever just wake up and have one of those days where everything you do just turns to crap? Well today was one of those days for me. I don't know what it was but it started with waking up and feeling like I was run over by a dump truck while attempting to rest my weary body. Then I went to work, mind you two days ago when I went to work walking like I was part of the next zombie movie, I totally screwed up and left a kid unattended in the house while I went on a transport, never happens but there is always a first time for everything. Anyhow went to work today and I got stuck in a house with a bunch of girls that I do not normally work with. These girls are known for their manipulation and rude behavior. So I was in for it this morning! I managed to make it through the first part of the day but just felt real discouraged. So I went to the Lord in prayer. This was therapeutic for me as I just let it go at the feet of the Lord. I just wept. Which is good but man I just felt wasted afterwards. Anyhow its not that there were a million and a half things that went wrong just a general bummer day.
I thought allot of Africa today. The people there that I miss, the ones whom are just a few hundred miles away but I can't communicate with.
Oh well, this is just a small rant my bro is coming in tonight and tomorrow I am off with the girls for a three day weekend to celebrate my bffs birthday. So things will turn around. Just wanted to vent for a bit.
Blessings and love to all of you so far away.
I think of you often.

Africa

http://www.one.org

RTN

Your smile makes me smile.
One down five more to go.

Remembering

This weekend I was reminded of a dream I had the first week I came to the Lord. It was strange how this dream came back to me though it is something I have held onto for the last ten years and can still remember it quite vividly. So I was thinking I should share it with you today.
In the beginning of my dream I am walking with this girl, I suppose she was my friend, though I cannot remember what her face looks like or if I even knew her then. We were walking down the street into different apartment complexes and random buildings. We were looking for this party that we had been invited to. We stopped by different places but none of them were the one. Then we entered this complex and there was this massive pool covered with glass doors. You could see all these people dancing, drinking, socializing.
The girl I was with went through the door and turned around to look at me. She motioned for me to come in but I didn't want to. I pointed upwards indicating to her that I was going to check out upstairs and see what was going on there. She smiled and got lost into the party. I started climbing these stairs, I had remembered I had seen something on the roof so I headed up there to see what was what.
When I got up there it was empty. I didn't see anyone but I looked around hoping to find something of worth. Then across the way on the roof of another building I saw this house. It was different there were all these trees and flowers and grass. It was beautiful. It looked so inviting and peaceful. It was unreal the roof of the building I was on was gray and drab, it was lonely and empty. So I started looking around trying to see how I could get over to this other house. I walked towards the edge and just then I heard these voices. I turned around and there were all these people. Some I recognized, some who were faceless strangers.
It was then that they all started calling me names, they were yelling things I had heard my whole life. I just stood there crying. I didn't know what to do. Then they started hurling crap at me. I mean literal crap. It was so heavy I fell to the ground. I was getting caked in it. It was disgusting and I just lay there not knowing what to do.
Then things changed, I heard this voice and this man was speaking to the crowds of people, saying they couldn't treat me the way they did and that I was his daughter and He wouldn't tolerate it. He picked me up and started to clean me off, the people just disappeared and we walked towards that beautiful house. It was amazing, there was this bridge and we just walked across it and then suddenly the bridge was gone.
I woke up that next morning feeling peaceful about where I was. At that point coming out of a long period of drug and alcohol abuse and having some other real life altering moments I knew that the Lord was with me and I wouldn't have to take that "crap" anymore.
This weekend I had the pleasure of spending time with some amazing people. Experiencing some things that reminded me of where I have come from and who I am now. I was blessed to speak truth into the life of some amazing ladies and be blessed with wisdom spoken into my life through some complete strangers.
It has been an insightful time, I have had the pleasure of hearing the hearts of a few friends and finding myself more and more drawn to who they are. I love how the Lord has orchestrated us to intertwine with one another. I feel blessed to have the grace and forgiveness and understanding of the Lord poured over me and those I encounter. He has created something amazing in each of us. Our capabilities, though at times can be some what scary or dangerous, this weekend they have been something of awe for me to sit back and breath in.

As Rains of Refreshing

As rains of refreshing, O Lord,
So pour out Your Spirit upon our waiting hearts.
As showers upon new-mown hay,
Send Your Spirit upon our thirsty souls.
For upon You, O God, do we wait.

Satisfy our hungering souls with Your abundance.
Yes, fill our longing hearts with Your fullness.
For in Your presence is fullness of Joy;
At Your right hand are eternal pleasures.

a song well a band...

OK quick note, for those who don't have myspace (Bos I'm mainly talking to you) but for whomever else may not be on there I wanted to tell you about this new band. Well they aren't that new but they most likely are to you. The name of the band is Trading Yesterday and one of their songs is the featured song on the trailer for In the Land of Women starring none other than mister San Diego himself, Adam Brody. Anyhow One Day is the featured song and I have had it on my myspace many a times but they also have one called She is the Sunshine and I just wanted to encourage you all to check them out. They are kinda girly, which Bos I know you will appreciate, but worth taking a listen to. You cannot get them on itunes yet but you can purchase their music via myspace at www.myspace.com/tradingyesterday

ok my loveys I miss you I am thinking of you and hope you can dance with me to the music.

BORED

So I have the sick house today. Which means all the sick boys come to the house I run.
Why am I getting the sickies when I am trying to get over a cold?
I'm locked up in here all day so I have too much time on my hands and conveniently forgot my book at home.
So you get the pleasure of reading my every thought...well ok not every thought cause some of those are reserved for certain people/times.
Had a killer workout last night.
My trainer is kick ass.
I started drinking a new shake this morning.
It was good.
Protein powder, chocolate rice milk and mixed berries with some flax seed oil. mmmm mmm.
But I'm hungry now and am devouring a pink lady apple and think I might go on to the blood red orange next.
This weekend me and my friend Court are going to make a video so if you're lucky you might get to see it. Well maybe not....
Kelly do you remember in college when we would have those little dance parties in the dorm. You and your toe shoes me and my hip hop? Oh what a team we were!
Speaking of which do you know its the 20th anniversary of Dirty Dancing...I know you all wanted to know this.
In the last twenty minutes I have seen 15 commercials for weight loss drugs. And you wonder why women have a complex.
Ok this is enough of me talking about random crap just to fill time.

I stand amazed

Why do I continually stand amazed at the ability of the Lord to provide the very thing I need at the moment that I need it? To know what it is that I long for before I do? To bless me in a way that I never thought imaginable or worthy of? I cannot explain to you the way He has shown me this again and again the last few weeks, in circumstance of job and relationships and life experiences. The desire in my heart to know him greater has been there more and more, and with every desire to grow in this, he has brought me a new way to examine my heart in relation to Him. To trust in ways I have not had to trust in such a long time. To rely on the fact that He has me and this is something I need not be concerned by. To relinquish my control over situations, to not know the reasons why and to believe that it is worth the wait.
There is so many ways I can express to you how He has done this over my life time I am sure, but these past few months I am floored time and time again.
I sit down and weep at the timeliness of it all. I have always said that in each relationship and experience that I believe it is an encounter with the Lord. One for me to learn from because they represent a part of Him that I do not know fully. This could not be more true in every area of my life moreover there is one person who has entered my life recently who seems to know the heart of the Lord and where I am at with it all. I don't know how you seem to meet me in every place I am. If the Lord is sharing my heart with you, but I am grateful.
There is nothing like the knowing you are okay to be you in your skin with someone. To know there isn't a rule of judgment coming down upon you. It is this way with the Lord but when you meet people who enable you to walk in that same grace it is more than amazing. It is my heart to never put someone in a place of discouragement, to tempt or condemn another. It is my desire to encourage, challenge and stand beside those who are pushing towards the goal. I pray that I can be that for you my dear ones. I pray that we all can be faithful and ok with the fact that we don't always meet the mark, goodness knows the Lord is okay with where we are more than we ever are. Just keep trying cause Lord knows I am.

approaching the cross

There is often a grave misunderstanding, whether in principle or action, in how we are to approach the cross of Jesus. Many of us have become quite familiar with the theological and spiritual concepts of the centrality of the cross as it relates to the inception of our salvation and the foundation of our sanctification. We've heard the voice of Jesus beckoning us near, yet we find that as we begin to move our souls are heavy-laden with guilt and shame at our own depravity. The tree of life contorted to a towering judge in the confusion surrounding such an unreserved love. To approach the cross we must embrace true repentance and hope and throw off every inkling of guilt and shame. It may seem a simple assessment, yet our efforts often display an unfortunate submission to the latter. Jesus calls you because you are broken...because it's only in this condition that you are even able to approach the cross.

"Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Hebrews 4.16

Moo'ds

Mood of the day: happy, though bronchitis is making things unbearable at times.

Song of the day: 5:19 by Matt Wertz

Thought of the day: What does today look like for you?

Plan of the day: Rest and maybe watch a kick boxing thing with the homies in Mexico...not so sure that is a good idea when i feel like hell, but man am i a sucker for a good time.

Color of the day: Burnt Orange

Funny moment of the day: the lady at the gas station who started talking to me about her day as though I was her best bud, she was going crazy talkin all kinds of smack at 9 in the morning. But man was she funny.

Drink of the day: Water

Fruit of the day: mmmm mango

Goal of the day: to make someone smile.

Blessings and love

Feeling sick

So today is normally my day of rest and this was something I was really looking forward to as I haven't been feeling so great these last few days. But I had a horrible night sleep and had to be up bright and early to work on the farm.
Essentially my allergies have taken over and created a bit of a cold and I am now feeling as though my head is in a vice. So I am sitting in my house wishing I had the strength to go to the store and get some soup or better yet that I had someone who would go get it for me. Wow you really take the moms for granted when you are all alone. I suppose I should get used to it again since I will be out on my own again in just a few short months. But I will tell you what I am a sucker for some tlc when I am sick. However I do have enough energy to write a pointless blog so I am going to attempt to hit up the store and then drug myself to go to sleep tonight. Two more days of work and then rest again!

oh so cute moment of the day:
the little girls who live next door to me who are probably about 6 and 8 are outside today doing little dance cheers and they have to be the cutest things I have seen in some time. One of them has these little curly locks and a face that you just want to eat up. She is bouncing around saying, "We are the panthers the mighty mighty panthers!" so cute. just thought id share.

blessings and love.

Home Alone

So this is the first night of seven nights that I will be in my home all alone. Now normally I would welcome a little alone time, but seven nights in this house with no one to hear my cries for attention is something to behold let me tell you. So tonight I started this week long adventure with my latest mix tape blaring at a level so loud that the neighbors could jam right along with me. I cleaned the house and sang to Jedidiah (the cat for those who don't know) as I danced around in my living room.
I have also decided that I would like to try to start writing a story. Strange I know but its something I have found helps me deal with things. I mean I journal, and these days I journal allot. But I think I'm going to go with a story, see where it takes me.
That's all.

bond james bond

That's right I spent Easter night with my family having a tasty meal and watching James Bond. Nothing like a action packed movie to bring the family together.
Church was good today, as it is every Sunday, afterwards I headed to the gym and and then came home to spend time with the fam and watch Bond. My brother and I went to get the movie and while we were in Blockbuster we heard a Christmas song and we started talking about how this Christmas I was actually going to get a white Christmas! How dang exciting is that! My brother and I started walking around the store singing Christmas songs and discussing what we would do with our white Christmas. Nerdy, but true and I am so excited!
Brief overview of the weekend:
This was an intense weekend for some apparent reasons and some not so. I experienced some new things, i.e. the lounge bar where I got to hear the trumpet, watched some serious boxing/kickboxing like stuff with da boys at the Bull Pin, and I met some peeps who are moving to Nashville and might be able to hook me up with a job!
I did allot of thinking, praying, contemplating. I thought about how we can miss someone that we have never actually physically met. How it is similar to how I feel about the lord many times. I often wish I could just knock on a door and the Lord would open it and I could just hug him. What is it about an embrace that makes one feel so connected?
Someone once wrote about the connection of two hearts and how deprivation can lead to an increase in desire. How true this is. How true this is.
So I'm all over the place with thoughts, gonna go to sleep now. Would love to hear from you all. Hope your Easter was good. Pray you are finding yourself yearning more and more for the Lord.
This week please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as my tummy isn't doing so well and I will also be sending out my resume to some possible jobs in Nashville.
Thanks loveys.
Blessings and love
nic
Song of the day: Unashamed by Starfield

can we just discuss...

the difficulties of eating out with my new found limitations....ok so picture this, last night after good Friday service Rene, Meesh, Ryan, Bones, Ross, Suz and I decide to go out to eat for some good chatter and a little grub for the tummy. So we decide to go to Sammy's Wood fire Pizza. Now I know your saying to yourself, "Nicci you can't eat wheat or gluten so why are you going to a pizza joint?" Well my friends never fear because I knew they had salads and other such lovely items to choose from. Now I thought this would be a good idea since everyone else wanted pizza and they also wanted my company. Ok so there we are sitting, chatting enjoying ourselves. Everyone orders and I decide upon the mahi mahi tacos I cant have fish and corn tortillas so Im set right?!? Well I inform the waiter that I can't have any dairy and that I am allergic to gluten and wheat and to make sure the cook knows this so that he doesn't accidentally give me the wrong things. The waiter agrees says no prob and all seems well. At least until the first round of food....now here comes the dinner and everyone has theirs accept me. Over comes the manager who leans in to tell me the waiter didn't understand what I meant by being allergic to gluten and that the cook had breaded my fish and so I would need to order something different. So I said ok no worries and that I would take the Kobe beef tacos instead. Well a few moments later arrives my new dinner choice. The plate is set in front of me and I look at it and turn to the manager and say, "these are corn tortillas right?" She assures me that they are and walks away. So I start eating my veggies and a moment later the manager returns stating, "I asked the cook and he wasn't sure so I am going to take these back and make sure you have corn tortillas." So a few more minutes go by and she returns yet again with a new plate. Turns out they were flour tortillas, so she apologizes and says dig in. So I go back to the veggies and then turn the taco over and look at it and what should be gushing out, CHEESE! Oh my gosh at this point. I was about to break down and cry. The entire table was almost finished with their meal and I am still waiting to take a bit of my damn taco. So yet again I call the waiter over, inform him that I cannot have cheese ( which i had said but who knows, lost in translation I suppose) and so he writes down all the things I cannot have and continue to insure no issues with my fourth go around and I continue to wait for my meal. Finally it comes, I eat and I am happy. But wait it doesn't stop there. The waiter feels so bad that he wanted to give us a dessert on the house. So he brings over their famous ice cream sundae. WELL freakin awesome you feel so bad that I had my food was messed up four times that you comp a dessert for the entire table that I cannot partake in, because hello I am lactose intolerant I can't have cheese so why in the hell could I have ice cream! UGH...I was over it. I didn't care I was happy everyone else enjoyed the ice cream. Then the bill came. 12 freakin bucks they charged me for my two tacos. I was so frustrated, so we talked to the waiter who then felt horrible that I couldn't have the ice cream and that I had such a rough night and so he comped the ice cream and my dinner. Man what a night, I hate feeling high maintenance and that couldn't have been a more high maintenance situation. Oh man guys it was something to behold I tell ya. But on the up side I did get to go to this funky little bar with the homeys afterwards and hear the trumpet....I love the trumpet.

observations of the...

So I haven't done this in a while so I thought why not go back to how I started this whole thing. So here is my list of observations this week:

1. I like glasses, I like them allot! I mean allot and I like the possibility of the new ones...go with those. Just in case you wanted my opinion.
2. I have listened to the same three songs on repeat for the last two weeks and its getting out of control.
3. My brother is one of my favorite people. Having him home this week has been SUPERB!!!!
4. Redecorating your room can take more then 10 minutes.
5. Having a personal trainer is great for the ego.
6. Living next to the beach is one of my favorite things, what am I doing moving to TN?!?
7. Really excited that there is a school in TN that is so appealing to someone I really like, this makes number 6 more bearable.
8. Dynamite, now that is a great word, really really great!
9. I really like The Office, it is hilarious. Dane Cook is side splitting, man that was a good time!
10. I am selfish and often completely miss the point.
11. 15 year old girls should not be having babies.
12. I LOVE laughing, yes yes I do.
13. Waking up at 445 in the morning to go the gym is a wonderful yet some what crazy way to start the day.
14. There is just an absurd amount of people leaving in San Diego.
15. Adam has to be one of the craziest guys I know and can be the best gtalk chat man a girl can have at work. Thanks bro (see you made the list now stop crying)
16. Many men don't know what to do with the tres amigas, just as it should be! Shock em girls shock em!
17. There is nothing attractive about cat calling!
18. Planning my mothers wedding is proving to be quite the task.
19. Gluten is in way too many things and makes eating out a real pain in the arse.
20. I have vivid dreams, some of them actually happen, and that can scare me and other times I really hope they do happen.
21. Praying over each area of my life these days is the only way I am certain that things are just as they should be.

ok so there is so much more and I could have gone on for days but I am ending it now and I will be back later.
blessings and love

Playlist of the day

ok so each day I kind of make myself a list of songs and today these are the ones that grace the list.

1. One Day- Trading Yesterday
2. Beautiful Liar- Beyonce and Shakira
3. Little things- Colbie Caillat
4. Trouble- Ray LaMontagne
5. One Word- Elliot Yamin
6. Oh, it is love- Hellogoodbye
7. Beautiful Disaster- John Mclaughlin
8. Undiscovered- James Morrison
9. Who knew- Pink
10. Bubbly- Colbie Caillat
11. Seaside- The Kooks
12.Carried to the table- Leeland
13. Unashamed- Starfield
14. For my love- Bethany Dillion
15. Here (in your arms)- Hellogoodbye
16. Breathe in- frou frou

ok so this is my strange arrangement of the day but just know I'm singing along, getting my dance on and thinking good things..won't you share with me

overwhelmed..

I don't know what to say. Today was intense. I started reading a book, well listening to a book and it was good. It had me in heavy thought and then I headed to Vellum (young adults group) and we talked about the death and resurrection of the Lord. It was a good night in the sense of things being brought to the forefront of my mind and having my focus shifted off myself and back onto the Lord. It was this good time of prayer and intercession. But I just got to thinking about life and things, and this book its interesting all the ideas it brings up and how applicable it is to time and the things that are going on in life. You know I go through my day all the time forgetting about the intensity and the significance of his actions. I know this sounds horrible, but its true I get so caught up in me and ish that I forget about it. And then of course someone says something to me about the Lord and his ability to meet me where I am and he won't leave me, and though I know this I don't think about it. I don't think wow the power behind his death and resurrection. I just go on in my self involved day and maybe pray to him but i don't know that i always get it. So I was in my book this morning and it was talking again about this relationship between us and the Lord, or us and each other and I was reminded of the ability to love beyond myself. How we are called to extend that love to one another. I think I get so caught up in my fear that I miss that we are all the same in some form or fashion. At times I walk around with this fear that I will give myself to someone and they will withdraw and I will be left feeling sad, violated, silly. And there was this time in my life where I wouldn't open myself up to others because I was sick of the hurt that came with the disappointment. But then one day I took the Lord at his word, that I was/am his beloved and he will not/does not leave me. I was reminded of this today. That putting yourself out there is often the best part, if I am not willing to take that step of faith then I just might miss some of the best things life has to offer. I might just miss out on the one thing that I was created for.
All this to say, some times its scary sometimes I don't know what I am doing, and maybe some times you don't know what you are doing, maybe you don't think you have it in you. But the Lord says that you are his beloved and you have limitless worth. I encourage you to not put up walls and take a step of faith and trust him cause he is worth trusting.
I love you all, thanks for the moments of sharing and I pray those moments continue for a life time. I am praying for you that the Lord would meet you where you are and do what only he can do.

Shag the movie

Ok so I watched this movie today, for like the millionth time but not the point. I love it. I love the idea of you and your best girlfriends spending your last summer together, dancing and living by the beach. But you know what else I love about this movie? Well its set back in the 50s and the dancing in the movie isn't all dirty and uncomfortable to look at. It is set in a time when men and women still danced together and it was real dancing (shagging if you will.) There is this one character that I identify with, Pudge, she is the dancer out of the group and I just love her spirit. Anyhow...lets just take a moment of silence in remembrance of partner dancing.......
ok great.
miss you guys, love you guys, more randomness to come.

random thought

So today as I sat in way too much traffic I started thinking about how they say that colors can affect ones mood. Then looking at the red lights I started wondering if that is the reason that everyone gets so angry and has such horrible road rage...does the red make us go crazy? I don't know just a random thought.

A page is turned

So the artist of the day is Bebo Norman...that's right I was rummaging around in my old Cd's and found this one with some songs I used to jam to...so today I listened to Bebos A Page is Turned over and over on the drive home. I have also found one of my faves during college by a group by the name of Waterdeep I have to some times seriously wonder how I found these bands.
OK well I just thought I would encourage you to go look at your old stuff and have a good time reminiscing over the "good ol' days."

I wonder

I thought of you today...
in the song that played, in the show I watched.
the curls on the main character and the mention of your State.
in the way that the melody made me move and the way it hurt inside to look and not see you there.
with the mention of your name in three different encounters.

I wonder what it would be like if you were here?
Next to me in the car while I sing that song.
across from me at dinner.


But I hope you are happy, that you are well, that there will be a time when I will no longer have to wonder..

Planet Earth

quick note just wanted to let you know that I just watched this cool new program that is on Discovery Channel called Planet Earth. It is on every Sunday night on Discovery obviously. Just thought I'd suggest watching it cause man is this big ball we live on amazing.

Pet Peeves

OK let me just say this, those of you who know me know that I have a few pet peeves and honestly really only one or two of them really get under my skin. 1.) smacking, I cannot stand the sound of someone eating and showing their food at the same time. I don't know what it is but since etiquette school in elementary it is the only thing that stuck with me. 2.) And let me tell you this one is very annoying. I cannot stand when a man in his car flips a lady off. Yep I think it is the tackiest most immature and unattractive thing. Yesterday on my way to the gym I was getting ready to turn left when a school bus came out of nowhere so I had to wait which was no big deal. Then as I started to go left around the corner comes this truck, speeding at what had to be at least 55 miles an hour on a 30 mile an hour road and he had to go around me just a bit. Now I understand it was an inconvenience that he had to turn his wheel slightly to the left so he could continue to speed along the curvy road, but was it really necessary for him to then flip me off and swear at me as he passed me? come on. Ugh I was tempted to turn right and follow his stupid butt where ever he was going and asking him if he mama taught him to use that kind of language with a lady or if he was just so miserable he thought taking it out on me would help things out. UGH that just annoyed me. So then today as I'm coming out of jamba juice there is this huge white truck in front of me and in front of him is a taxi. The taxi is trying to turn onto the main road but there was heavy traffic so he was taking his time. Then maybe after waiting for about two minutes the guy in the truck in front of me starts slamming on his horn and reeving his engine and scooting closer to the taxi while yelling at the man all sorts of ish. Gosh he needs to work out the stress. Anyhow that was my day. Now I'm going to tacos with Rene and Tim and I am freakin excited cause I haven't gone to tacos in who knows how long,plus its tacos!
And just as a side note, can we believe that its already the end of March, I mean April is already here, wow! Happy birthday RTN.
Til my next thoughts...

beach feet

ok lets discuss feet shall we?!? Yes we shall. So today, I was at the nail place getting my feet done like me and the moms do every two weeks or so. Now men listen to me, this is important, there is nothing wrong with you takin care of your feet and getting in there and seein one of those ladies and workin on those callouses, and ladies I know you feel me on the pedicure (its amazing am I right or am I right). ok that being said I was sitting next to this old lady today who decides that today was a the day for a good foot scrub. Alright now while I condone this behavior it was an unsightly mess and some what disturbing to have to take a look at her feet. They were gnarled and gross. Ugh! So it got me to thinking about this thing me and my girls often take a look at. Which is, ladies say it with me now, "BEACH FEET." Now if you are unaware of what this means let me do the honor of filling you in on what me and my bffs often discuss. First can you where flip flops with out scaring off half the beach when walking around? Now I give grace to those who have pale feet do to lack of sun, but if you got those kind of feet where there is all this ashy crap on your heal and broken skin and toenails looking like the went through the first world war, please do me a favor and see a woman about a pedicure, take care of that mess and then we can evaluate the foot situation. If you think you are too cool for school and you aren't going to see the cute little Asian lady at the local nail salon then please don't wear flip flops. Put on some Birkenstocks or tevas and hide that mess. Flip flops should not be a way to expose the outside world to your laziness.
Now if you have an issue with your feet and you can't help it, there is grace for that too. Just give a girl a warning. Ha...jk you know I got love for you. Just a thought as I sat in the nail salon today.

Tokens

to·ken /ˈtoʊkən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[toh-kuhn] –noun
1. something serving to represent or indicate some fact, event, feeling, etc.

2. a characteristic indication or mark of something; evidence or proof:

3. a memento; souvenir; keepsake: The seashell was a token of their trip.
4. something used to indicate authenticity, authority.

5. Also called token coin. a stamped piece of metal, issued as a limited medium of exchange, as for bus fares, at a nominal value much greater than its commodity value.
6. anything of only nominal value similarly used, as paper currency.
7. an item, idea, person, etc., representing a group; a part as representing the whole; sample; indication.

isn't it funny how something so seemingly insignificant at the time can later become something that holds such value. I often have these things that will remind me of someone or something, today I just realized how often I overlook those moments. just a thought..anyway have a good day

These times...

OK my precious people I pray this blog finds you well where ever you are in this beautiful world. I miss many of you as most of you are so far in distance but close in my heart. I have had an interesting few weeks and an even more interesting couple of days. Things have been good but hard these last few weeks. I have met some amazing people who are teaching me what it means to be a well spring of life. The Lord is challenging me to really lay myself before him and trust He has what I cannot see. Relationships are being developed and I am amazed at the Lords timing of it all. I don't have much in me to give, the last few days have been the end of me physically. I haven't slept well if at all and I have longed for things that are not for me right now. But the Lord is faithful. He is working me out, he is pruning, scraping, rubbing off the junk and it hurts but its ok. I was just thinking this Sunday after church about how important it is that we meet one another where we are and how often we have no idea what is going on inside the one who may be smiling in front of us. Amidst my own junk I am thankful that though I have you all praying I have been able to see the need for me to pray for others and not wallow in my own self pity. ...hmm...thoughts, man i wish I could share them all with you.
those of you who aren't here with me, I'd love to hear from you, toss me a note or a smile, or a prayer would do. For those who don't know I am heading to Nashville this summer. I will be traveling a bit this summer starting next month (would you expect any less? come on now) I get to go to a castle right here in beautiful CA next month, going to a wedding in Iowa which should be interesting, and then Nashville in June. Hope that city is ready for me cause I'm coming in like a tornado! Bless you guys, thanks for listening, well reading some of my rambles.
Be blessed.