Almost one full year...what?!

Dig the photo of me...yeah I'm a mother of a almost one year old!! ha. SO CRAZY! I can't believe she is almost 1!!! They say it goes fast and it does.

So this last year more changes have happened. I mean every year for the last three something major has happened. 2007 I moved to Nashville, 2008 I married my best friend, 2009 I had my baby girl and now 2010 we bought our first home! I cannot believe it, I own a home!! Well technically the bank owns it but details details...ha.

But all that to say the last few years have taken a toll on me. Its just now that I am able to to take a look and see what that means. Moving to Nashville was one of the best decisions Ive ever made. I loved my time there, made some great friends and some wonderful memories. I married my best friend and left with positive thoughts and feelings for all the ups and downs that year possessed. Then the move to Lynchburg in 2008 was a mind twist. I moved to a town where I knew no one. This was Ryan's old stomping ground so it was a challenge to find myself here. There was the struggle of finding a job, finding a church, finding friends...then came the news of our baby! What does this mean to have a baby when everything else was so new and out of sorts?

But the Lord has a way of working things out...I got a job, I met some lovely ladies and well our search for the church was still in process but hopeful.
The end of 2009 we had our little girl and thoughts of a our home on the horizon. It was then that things really got a bit hard. I was no longer working. I was a full time mom. And the girls I had really connected with had some changes of their own which took them away from this town and so on...

The beginning of 2010 I was happy and sad at the same time. I missed my closest friends. The ones that lived far away were living lives that were/are different from mine. It was hard. Ryan working so hard to provide. I was feeling lost. I had no idea where "Nicci" went.

Then I realized I just had to work a bit harder.

Things worked themselves out by mid summer. We moved into our new home! I had an amazing weekend with some of my closest and dearest friends to celebrate my bff. I started running which took care of that need to be physically active. I met some more great ladies here in town...one in particular who has a son the same age as lily and just moved here from Knoxville. And finally we found a church!!!

So slowly but surely I am learning more about Nicci as a wife, mother, daughter and friend. This year feels like it has been the hardest in a lot of ways. Mainly learning to love solitude. Adjusting to having this much alone time has been a good lesson for me. I have had to face allot of things about myself that Ive been avoiding for some time. And though hard it isn't as bad as I thought it would be...but I can say that on this side of the journey.:)

In closing here are my lessons:

Being a full time mom is hard, rewarding but hard. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't a full time job. It is.

Being a wife also hard. but also one of the best things I've done! Having a support system makes all of life that much easier to embrace.

I miss dancing! But running has been a good replacement for the time being.

I love my friends. Meaningful relationships are the best. But being a mom and a wife I have little time and I will not chase after you to be my friend.

owning a home is amazing!

I don't have it all figured out.

I am easily distracted.

I still have wounds that aren't as healed as I thought.

I have allot more lessons to learn.

New Life as...

The craziest thing for me is being a mom.

I mean I was never that girl that grew up dreaming of being married or having babies. I always chose to be out getting dirty and playing with the boys. As I got older I obviously had desires and when I met Ryan Thomas I knew that my desire to be a wife was something I had long had within me and just never paid to much attention to, as I had other "more important" things to do.
Once I became a wife the desire to be a mom was again not something that burned within me. I was looking forward to having time with my husband and learn about us in our relationship. Being almost 30 at the time I had done most of the things I wanted to do as a single woman and felt I was ready to experience life as a partner. Ryan was, for me at least, one more way of God showing me the next part of me that was to be developed. He was able to show me parts of myself through Ryan that I had either not seen or not been willing to see. I felt freer in so many ways. Probably because Ryan has always done a great job at showing me acceptance. He (Ryan) has been able to produce in me a strength that has laid dormant for some time. He has awakened new desires and given me a life that I never thought I could have. One of the greatest parts of that life is our daughter Lily Sophia.
She is amazing. 12 weeks old this past Saturday I am amazed at how much she has changed. She was laying in her crib this morning talking to the mobile and just chuckling at the bunnies that went round and round.
I sat in the rocking chair, where she could not see me, and I listened to her. I was taken back at this little life that I had help create with my husband. Her joy and innocence is something you don't witness on a day to day basis.
Maybe as a parent you see this in your child but for those who have never had a child it isn't always so noticeable. At least it wasn't for me prior to Lily's birth.
Now as a new mom and a relatively new wife I am living this life that though I had never dreamt of as a little girl growing up, I am certain is where I am destined to be. I recognize the unique gifts that God has given me as a woman to love and serve my family. To be able to show my daughter the kind of woman she should be. I love my husband and the way he loves us. For a girl who grew up in a home that wasn't all that together the word family has meant different things to me depending on the period of time in my life you caught me in. Not having a healthy day to day real life example left allot of questions to be answered prior to entering into this new role as wife and mother. One that with great pride I am working out with the help of my God, husband, daughter, mother, step father, in-laws and friends. My greatest desire being to create a life for Lily that she can model and place where she knows she is loved and appreciated. So this next year, while she grows faster than I can imagine, I challenge myself to grow right along with her. So that we can look back and say we have done well. :)

Thanksgiving.

apparently this never posted...here is one from 6 weeks ago...

As we had our first holiday with a baby girl I am taken back at how blessed I am and what an appropriate holiday to realize such a thing.
I have so much to be thankful for. Our baby girl who turned 6 weeks old this passed Saturday is so beautiful. She is changing and growing so fast and I can hardly believe how good she is. My husband who has provided and been a constant strength for me. Showing me what a man of God looks like and how a fathers love can be life changing. A great cozy little home where friends and family have come to visit. Good friends old and new supporting us through each new step and celebrating life and the holidays. Wow! I mean those are the simple things, the ones that come to forefront of my mind and not even the tip of the iceberg.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

You and I...lyrics that show my gratitude.

Clean I call you clean
I came to clean you and it’s done
Here’s a call to all who’ve
Felt disqualified to run
Pleasures flowing here and there
From my right hand
What’s mine is yours
Come behold all of who I am

You and I will run
You and I will run forever
All is done
You and I will run


Come with what you do not have
And buy what’s undeserved
Feast and drink, the bounty’s great
I know you hear
But have you heard
Have you heard

Clean!
I’ve called you clean!
“I am dirty”
Clean!
“So unworthy”
Clean!
“Dirty”
That’s what I’m wanting

What HE gives.

Yesterday was pretty scary. I have been having some trouble breathing the last couple of days and called my OBGYN to make sure that everything was okay and just normal pregnancy stuff. They advised me to go see my family doctor as they didn't think it was normal that I would be having these sorts of issues at 31 weeks. I immediately went to the doctor and they did some basic tests. He suggested that I go to the lab and get a blood test to rule out any possibility of blood clots.
Well once I got there and did the blood test it came back positive and higher than it should be. They immediately admitted me into the ER. I was so nervous at this point. i had no real idea of what was going on accept that if I was being admitted this couldn't be a good thing. Ryan left work and came to the ER. We got sent to the back and waited on the doctor. They took a few more blood tests to rule out any other possibilities. The doctor then came in and said that it would be in our best interest to do at least an ultrasound of the legs and possibly a catscan. He explained that if I did in fact have a blood clot and it went to my lungs, I would die. He stated that the catscan would be the best way to determine if I had anything at this time but that it could possibly have some negative effects on the baby. He stated that she could be born with some mutations of cells but that is was less likely in the 3rd trimester than had this happened in the 1st trimester.
Ryan and I were left to think about it while they ordered the ultra sound for my legs. We weren't sure what was the best choice. I was terrified of hurting Lily but didn't want to risk both our lives by not doing the cat scan and possibly dying.
So we called our OB again and talked it over with them. They informed us that the risk of the cat scan was minimal in comparison to the risk of not doing it and possibly having a blood clot. So after that news we decided to do the scan.
7 hours of waiting and contemplating and praying (thank you all who prayed it meant the world to Ryan, Lily and I) the results came back negative!!!!
I was given a clean bill of health in regards to the blood clots and was able to go home. 7 hours is all it took but man that was intense. I was so thankful to the Lord that everything was ok and that we didn't have cause to worry. I know that it was the Lords hand over us and was so thankful that He was there every moment.
I came home with Ryan last night and was just resting on the couch being so thankful for another day of life and life abundantly. I have so much gratitude in my heart for the prayers of all our friends and family. For Ryan and the strength he showed in the ER. But most of all the Lords hand on me to keep me and Lily healthy and safe.

Thanks guys. I appreciate you all. Sorry if you didn't all receive the message to pray but it all happened so quickly. I know the lord heard the prayers of the people whether it was all or just one.

Loving and being loved.

So many thoughts come along with bringing a new life into this world. I am 28.5 weeks along and every moment that passes I grow more and more in love with my child and my husband.
Today my husband brought me flowers and a my favorite drink to work. He took me out to lunch and we just sat across from one another talking about life and where we were at. I sat there staring at this man who just amazes me more and more every day. I looked at him while he talked about things that normally may not cause someone to have butterflies in their stomach but I just thought wow I love this man and he loves me so much. We have baby Lily Sophia coming into this world and that is so perfect! She is going to be a perfect product of that love.
I know it may sound cheesy to some but to me Ryan is the man that the Lord created especially to love and care for me and our children. I cannot imagine my world without him. Daily he teaches me how to love myself, him and others in a more rich way. He shows me what it is to have happiness beyond what you can imagine and to know the greatness of God. I have no doubt in my mind that the Lord created this man for me and that together we are so much more than we ever were apart.
I cannot wait to have Lily with us and to share that love with her. I am confident that Ryan is going to be an amazing dad and going to show Lily (and the rest of our children to come) what a great man and father looks like.
ugh..just tearing up thinking about him.
I pray that our daughter can marry a man just like her daddy and experience the greatness her father has brought to her mothers life.
I love you babe.